Sunday is one of my best friend’s birthdays. He’s celebrating on Saturday with dinner and then going out to the bars later. Background:
We’ve been friends for 4 going on 5 years. In all this time, he’s never been around for any of my birthdays. He’s probably visited me a total of 5 or 6 times in the entire period, twice as an afterthought. How has he missed all of my birthdays?

#1- He was recruitment chair for is fraternity the summer we met. I’d only known him a month. That one doesn’t count.
#2- He had a study abroad in Rome. That’s fine- obviously it’d be stupid to not go just for my birthday.
#3- He had an internship. That’s fine as well- it was my 21st which he promised years ago he’d be at but again, missing out on an internship for 1 person’s birthday? Stupid.
#4- He was on his honeymoon. This one- not so much. He got married 10 days before my birthday. I kinda resent the fact they planned their honeymoon on to last through my birthday KNOWING I wanted him to come to this one.

Back to the story:
Earlier in the year I’d planned to snub his birthday. But I considered that to be childish and pretty much unnecessary. After I found out about his plans for this birthday, I was going to rent a car an attend unbeknownst to him. Or borrow best friend who moved without telling me knowing I wanted to move in with him’s car. But today I found out I have to work through his dinner. I could probably easily get out of it but I decided he’s not worth it. And one of his best friends that I can’t stand (he was griefing me at my best friend’s wedding for washing my car while I was waiting for people to arrive and I seriously considered for a moment grabbing the knife from my car and just stabbing him in the gut) will most likely be in attendance. It’s doable (going that is) but I just don’t think it’s worth the effort considering everything. There’s a lot to the story that you don’t know as well. That I won’t publish either.

Is that selfish of me? I’ve visited the kid on numerous occasions, including when he lived in the building right behind me. I’ve kept him from being bored at work by going and entertaining him, I’ve been to his studio when he was bored. We’ve talked and shared deep and somewhat painful personal experiences and stories and we know each other pretty well. Is it wrong that I expected him to at least attend one of my birthdays? True there’s this year but I’m not celebrating this one and people usually only get 3 tries at something.

All this has put me in ‘I Don’t Give a Fuck’ mode about ALL of my best friends. The remaining 4 haven’t done anything but we don’t talk or hang out on the regular. I’m not really pissed with any of them. At the same time, I don’t want to be around any of them or any of my other friends for that matter and I’m really, genuinely, unconcerned with their welfare, well being, and lives at this point. And that makes me feel bad.

Do I just have the wrong people as best friends? They’re my best friends for good reasons and they’re like family to me. But at the same time, I’m pretty exasperated with ‘em.

Fuck it. I’ma just go to bed. Hopefully I’ll just be so busy with working out and my new job it’ll consume my time and thoughts and I won’t even think about it anymore.